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ZIM OLSON'S LIFE STORY
Author - Zim Olson

1954-2009"

Updated 12-21-2009

 

Table of Contents
 
 

Introduction: This Story is approximately 23 pages long. It is suitable to those interested, in the general public, except it doesn't  put Zim in a good light most of the time. But , if you take care to read the entire story as best as you can, and make sure to read and remember the last two pages. You will see why this is one of Zim's best Mathematical Statements!   


Family Links Zim Olson's Life Story Zim Olson's Photo Gallery

The Beginning of Zim Olson's (a.k.a Kim Olson) Life  Table of Contents  

 Zim was born to Rosemary & Gordon Olson at the University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan in 1954. Both my mother and father graduated from the University of Michigan years earlier. My father got an undergraduate degree in Engineering and my mother attained an undergraduate degree in Economics. My great Uncle graduated from University of Michigan Law school. I have some crib memories of being in some Hospital room with green walls with a bunch of other babies in cribs. I was by the doorway in the crib, looking at the cast iron lines on toy automobiles. The sun was shining through windows on the far wall through sheer curtains. I don't remember what hospital this was. Another early memory was of my Aunt and Uncle Fischer visiting at our house when I was just a toddler and not speaking.  I remember my parents and my Aunt and Uncle talking about me and wondering if I could understand them.  I remember understanding their conversation as well as I can now.  They were discussing among other things the fan and how a child could put his finger through the grid and hurt ones finger.  But also in another distinct recollection I remember coming from my bedroom down the hall to a Christmas present opening, it must have been Christmas eve. I think I must have just come home from the hospital. I remember getting a battery operated orange bulldozer that I prized for some years after that. My parents tell me, but I have little recollection of it, that I was sick with pneumonia many times in my first years. I was hospitalized many times and given antibiotics, such as tetracycline, which permanently stained my teeth. My tonsils were removed when I was three, and memories come back of that time as I write this.   Around 3 or 4 years of age, I have memories of playing with Terry Kechigian and Billy who lived across the street on the same block. At the same time I remember having a feeling of gloom or "depression" as I stood in our yard looking across the street. I think this feeling was common to me at this time. I don't remember being able to talk to anybody about this at the time. I guess I didn't really understand it, being so young. I have found out in the past two years that other members of my family have been in treatment for depression for lengthy periods of time. This information could have been useful in my younger years.  

I remember the elaborate birthday parties we had as kids. I had a brother, David, and sister Stephanie. My brother was two years older than me, my sister was fours years older than me. I remember a party we had in the basement with kids from the neighborhood, Barney, Steve, Lucy, Glenn. We had various games all the kids would play simultaneously in the basement. A lot of noise. A lot of fun.  

One symptom that is interesting to me if nobody else. My grandparents owned a large mansion in West Virginia that they had renovated. It was 3 stories high not including the basement. And had many doors and stairways and confused me then as I was only 3 or 4 years old. I was looking for the bathroom, and mistakenly opened the basement door which was close by to the bathroom. I reached around the side of the wall for the light switch and took a step and hit the next step with my foot. All I have remembered for years was that everything went black, and some distant yelling and commotion. Maybe I have remembered this before but forgotten again. But it is just within the past year that I was talking about this memory with my current social worker and therapist, David Burgess about a door and then blackness. We decided to call my mom back in California, on the spot. My mother answered the phone and she explained to me, yes I had fallen down the stairs. And that they had all looked me over and decided I didn't have signs of a concussion and that I was alright and I didn't need to go to the hospital. I had memories of walking around that mansion I don't know how long after I had fallen down the stairs. I wondered what had happened when I opened that door until this last year when we called my mother.  

During the first 15 years of my life, I lived at 31070 Grandon, Livonia, Michigan. We lived in a modest but nice home near Detroit, Michigan. Gordon Olson, my father, had invented and patented an auto exposure control for processing photo prints in his college years. He is responsible for many other inventions and patents in his later working years. My father worked for a few years with Ford Motor Company, after getting married. Then he started working for the next twenty years at Chrysler Corporation where he later became a top executive.

  Mckinley Grade School      Table of Contents 

 I think I remember looking forward going to Kindergarten and actually I kind of remember fitting in for the years, kindergarten thru second grade. In kindergarten I had Miss Yanqui. I guess I felt a little self conscious, but not too much. I had fun playing with the kids and learning. In first and second grade I had Ms. DuBoff. I guess Ms. Duboff felt I was learning to read a little slower than I should, so Mom & Dad gave me special tutoring and I eventually progressed. Also somewhere along the way, I took speech therapy for my 'L's'. I took this for several years with a speech therapist. In Fourth grade I was a little gloomy again. Dad yelled a lot at home and mom criticized some, and I wasn't taking that to well. Fifth grade was a good year. I was in a split sixth/fifth grade and enjoyed being with the older kids. I made good friends that year. Mr. Keeling was also a good teacher, and later became an administrator. Sixth Grade was a bad year. I couldn't believe how bad and stupid my classmates were that year. I think Miss Diehl agreed with me. I was very depressed eventually. Later in Sixth Grade, my parents took me to what was apparently a psychiatrist even though they didn't say so. He had me tell stories about pictures I drew and copy drawings. I think I copied the drawings accurately, my story wasn't too inspired, but I don't think it was too crazy either. The doctor or whatever said "He's normal" and then said good bye. I was a good student throughout Grade School & Junior High and was quite often the teacher's pet. Later that year, my family, took off from school early and went to Europe for the summer. My mom had during my grade school years, got a degree in education and taught at a different school for three years and earned enough money to take the family to Europe for the entire summer. But something was not right with me. I wasn't psychotic as far as I remember, but was not adjusting right. I remember seeing a film strip in grade school in the 1960's about mental illness, with the whole class, and wondered if that had anything to do with me. Probably the whole class did wonder, or should have. Sometime during Grade School years I remember having a distinct recollection of having the sensation of super enlarged fingers and how things would speed up externally and how I was in relative slow motion. This never became so frequent it was debilitating but I have experienced this on & off over the years of my life.

   Emerson Junior High School      Table of Contents  

Emerson Junior High School was a mile walk from where our family lived in Livonia. Me, my bother and sister on most occasions walked there every school day. I was depressed every year at Emerson. I had some awareness that there might be something emotionally wrong with me. Even though I continued every day as most other students did, in a general way, anyway. I found the students at Emerson obnoxious and most of them not too bright. I had friends at Emerson which I enjoyed, no close girl friends though. I started my sports career in spring of my 8th grade year, by joining the track team. I had an abundance of energy and enjoyed the exercise, competition and camaraderie. I had to tell mom I wanted to quit piano lessons at this time so I could go to track practice. I was sure I had taken lessons from 3rd grade to the end of 8th grade, but now my mother tells me I only took lessons for one year. In 9th grade I joined the football, basketball and track team. The lightweight JV football team was last or close to last in our city league. Me and my friend, John Dawe, never suited up for the basketball team ( We couldn't shoot or dribble to save our lives), although we both broke the school half mile run record that year.  My best half mile time that year was 2 minutes 14.7 seconds ..... I never, in my memory, talked about my emotional problems or depression to anyone, ever, at this time. I don't know why, I guess I was still trying to be normal.     

   The American High School  Mexico City, Mexico      Table of Contents  

In the summer of 1969 my dad got a transfer within Chrysler Corporation to Automex, an automobile company partially owned by Chrysler in Mexico City, Mexico. So for the next two years I went to the American High School in Mexico City. I had been a member of the football team, basketball team, and track team in Emerson Jr. High, and when I got to the Colegio Americano the first thing I did was join the Junior Varsity Football team. I again fit in well, except I only weighed 135 lbs. My best sport, after all, was track. There were a lot of pretty & nice girls at the high school, but I didn't become socially active till my second year. Frank Fitch, from the football team, befriended me and introduced me to some of the girls. I began dating and was very attracted to some of the girls there. But I was kind of screwy in my head. Maybe we all were. But to illustrate what I am talking about I will talk about one of the girls I dated, Marsha Underwood, because how I reacted with her reveals what I basically think the whole problem was about. Marsha and I were perfectly compatible, which is why I think I had to develop my "other personality" and act in an entirely different way foreign to me to not get too close. Maybe it was too soon for me or she wasn't the right woman for me, or maybe, I think there was probably some reason I wasn't aware of. After a number of dates like this we decided to just become friends. I remember dimly some confusion in my relationships and communications with my peers, which resembles some of my experiences after my remembered breakdown in 1974 at the University of Michigan 3-4 years later. I was a successful half miler if not too active in the football games. Some of my best timed runs were in practice, such as after a few weeks just convalescing after being home sick with the flu, I ran a rather low 40 second quarter miler. They couldn't believe it either. The School Intern who was timing the race (Also an All American Wrestler) thought he made a mistake but the competing runners, Kenny Wagner and others (Good runners), were just rounding the track curve when I crossed the finish line mid field. I had run several 56-58 second first quarter miles in half mile competitions in the past, as early as in Junior High. I think my best meet half mile was at the Mexico City meet, at 2 minutes 11 seconds in my junior year. I became depressed again in the end of my junior year and this time I mentioned it to friends. After my junior year at the Colegio Americano the Olson family moved back to Michigan and I went fall term to Franklin High School back in Livonia Michigan my senior year. It was nice to see some of my old friends who had graduated from Emerson Jr. High and gone to Franklin High School. Franklin had more than 2,000 students; my sister had graduated there four years earlier as valedictorian and gone to attend the University of Michigan. My brother started attending the University of Michigan in Engineering a couple of years before. He finally left the University of Michigan with an undergraduate degree in Engineering and a MBA, and went to work for IBM. My sister entered U. of M. four years before I did and ended up with a Masters in Immunology. John Dawe, my old track buddy from Emerson, invited me to join the Franklin cross country team, so I did that fall. I didn't do too well after trying to beef up for the past two years for the Mexico City Football team.

The winter term we, my mom & dad & I, moved to Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, a nicer suburb in the Detroit area. I went to Bloomfield Hills High School for my last term. I never acquired many friends at Bloomfield my last term. I didn't join the track team, but instead worked as a dishwasher after school to earn money to visit my friends in Mexico the following summer. My dad was now working at Chrysler Corporation as a top executive. I had applied to enter the University of Michigan the Fall of 1972. My top SAT scores were only 570 verbal and 580 math, so I had to get my grades up to get into U. of M. since I had goofed around at the Colegio Americano. I got my grades up so I was accepted.

  Entering the University of Michigan. My Breakdown & Then Two Years In Ann Arbor, Michigan      Table of Contents  

After graduation from High School in Michigan I traveled by bus to Mexico City to participate in the graduation exercises and stayed most of the summer before going back to enter the University. My visit with my friends in Mexico City went reasonably well that summer. But I think somehow I sensed I wasn't socially well adjusted.

I biked to freshman orientation in Ann Arbor, from Bloomfield Hills, about a 50 mile ride thru back roads. I have a lot of memories of my time at the University and my years afterwards in Ann Arbor. But I have decided not to bore you with the gory details and just stick to symptomatic stuff of my illness with a general background to give context. I was happy to get away from home as most of us probably felt as freshman, even though at times I felt a little homesick. Oh yes, orientation.

We were all invited to take the OASIS test, a test developed exclusively for freshmen coming to the University of Michigan. It was taken on a voluntary basis by most of the freshmen there. I later studied the OASIS test and other personality tests given to U. Of M. freshman in a Psychology 100 class. I will talk about them later.  

For my two years at the University I stayed at Alice Lloyd Dormitory, right next to the Observatory, where my mom & dad met, and across the street from University Hospital where I was born. Alice Lloyd was a traditionally radical dorm, so I wasn't too out of place, but I again didn't feel I fit in too well socially. There were a lot of attractive women there and interesting people in general. But I was shy in asking a lot of the women out, even though I did occasionally. I began in Liberal Arts taking science, math and psychology. I found I had to study harder than some of the students to keep a decent grade, but I didn't mind and was able to at first. My first term I took I think, Chemistry I, Calculus I, Anthropology, Psychology. I got B,A,B,B, respectively.                  

In my Psychology class one of my projects was to study, test and report on various personality tests given at the University of Michigan. One test I studied was the CPI, California Psychological Inventory. I took it in three different modes; trying to imitate a personality, random responses, and true to self responses. In the true to self response; most of my traits were scored high within acceptable bounds; Spontaneity was  the highest; Capacity for Status was high; Achievement  Motivation  in  Independence was high; Intellectual  Efficiency was high;  Flexibility,  Tolerance, and Good Impression, were high. Masculinity  was my most  average score.  Dominance, Responsibility and Well Being were average;  Self Acceptance was a  little low;  Self Control was below average;  Socialization was very low;   Achievement Motivation in Conformity   I got the lowest score  possible. My other tests, fake and random,  indicated by the results, that  they had been taken in that manner.  I had no personal and prior knowledge of my traits concerning my high "Spontaneity" score (high score characterized by wit and poise) or the extremely low score in "Achievement Motivation in Conformity".  I went to the originator of the OASIS test and found out my results of the test given to incoming Freshman at the University of  Michigan in 1972. I got 95 percentile in creative achievement personality (This also came as a surprise to me) , 69 in academic achievement personality, 70 some percent  in Intellectual Interest Personality, and 81 percent in social  adjustment personality. My brother told me at one time he had taken the OASIS test  and he had scored 99th percentile in academic  achievement personality  My brother had higher than a 4.0 GPA in  Engineering  when he graduated. My brother, David Olson, told me in 2003 he is probably the best SNA Networking Specialist in the World. He has worked for IBM for about 27 years. The personality tests were  empirically derived.  All my tests were taken before  my breakdown in 1974.  

I asked Karen Chase out one time. I am not sure why I asked her. I found out a while later that she was mentally ill, which I did not know at first. We were close for a couple of months in 1972 then we broke up. I didn't take it too well and ended up very depressed and did not get over my depression till my nervous breakdown in winter term of 1974 at U. of M.   I had an encounter with one of the women in the hall of our dorm, in December of 1973. I went on semester break without resolving this and when we returned in January of 1974 to Alice Lloyd she was still unhappy with me.

Well anyway, Ellen Hexter, that was her name, would say things outside my room in the hall and I thought she would be talking about me. Later that semester, she came into my room when I was there alone studying, sat on the bed and said to me or herself, I don't know which, "You won't be able to talk about this for the next ten years and for the next ten years after that no one will believe you", and then left the room. Another time in exactly the same manner, Ellen Hexter  said "I'll wait till you can love me", and then left the room.  Also she stopped me alone in the hallway one time and said "You're great in your mind", and then walked on. I know  these kind of quotes sound crazy, but they have made me  wonder, on and off different medications, what had been going on then and for the past 20  years. The next thing I thought, is that people would be saying things about me in the hall, or even in the room that they could not know without reading my mind. At first, however, I thought somebody was in  the observatory outside my window looking in my dorm window and then communicating to people in the dorm, outside my room. People would play records in their room, I thought in reference to me. Then I thought they had to have some way of knowing this stuff about me like a TV camera in my room, microphone, people following me as I walked around town. Eventually after some time I don't know how long, I deduced, somehow, that everybody could read my mind or communicate to me in my unconscious state. And once I was thinking this, my mental state was totally subject to disruption.   I will discuss some of these mental phenomena next. It is really quite involved and varied and I am doing this so people who knew about my illness at this time and even the times following know what I was going through, as I very rarely have discussed this accurately or comprehensively in the past. After all I thought people could read my mind, so why should I.   In my dorm room at Alice Lloyd I quickly went totally nuts. I thought my roommate was playing tricks on me so I did dirty tricks to him. I couldn't seem to escape this communication stimulus. When I left the dorm room to sleep somewhere else I thought people would follow me. One time drinking coffee in a restaurant I began to uncontrollably sob. I found no matter how much I wanted to I couldn't study. I thought my professors were somehow giving secret messages of some sort in class while giving lectures. When I told my parents I had withdrawn they didn't seem angry or surprised. After I dropped out of school and the term ended I tried staying in a Student Co-op in Ann Arbor. Eventually I had the same experience basically of people reading my mind (a logical deduction) or communicating thru my unconscious self.

So one night I planned to escape it all. I took off hitchhiking. But surprisingly, they seemed to all know me somehow. Like they knew where I was going ahead of time. Was I controlled? Could they read my mind, or just communicate to me without me knowing? I didn't know for sure. But I tried to make sense out of it all anyway. It was a hellish trip. I had enough sense to bring some travelers checks, but after encounters with the police, strange rides (and not just the usual hippies, drugs and perverts), 100 degree temperature in Texas and Oklahoma, I decided to come home on the bus. I am not sure what all my rationale was to come back. I figured I had just had enough. I ended up in my parents' house in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. In 1975 I again hitchhiked out west and ended up in California visiting some old high school friends from the Colegio Americano. I decided to sign up for the US Armed Services at the Pomona Recruiting office. I passed the interview, intelligence test, physical exam and other requirements and all that remained was to sign the written oath. The oath somehow said I was required to do what was ever determined to be in National interests of the US. By the way the Oath was worded I felt it wouldn't work out between me and the US Air Force, I didn't sign, and went back to the streets.

My  parents didn't understand or appreciate my behavior and of course they could read my mind so why talk. My dad got in some arguments and fights with me. Dad slapped me once to make me pay attention and I swung back in unbelievable slow motion so I barely touched him. I think they thought I should find work or do something constructive. They had me see a psychiatrist and I went voluntarily a couple of times until he gave me some stelazine for a couple of weeks which gave me unbelievable mental pain, so I stopped seeing him and taking the pills.

Finally I took what savings I had and got an apartment in Ann Arbor. I didn't have much money so I tried working. I worked with a railroad construction company. But I came up with the idea it wasn't really necessary for me to work hard, because of special circumstances surrounding this unconscious reality of mine. They soon let me go. I tried working at a book store during school rush. Same problem there. So for a long time I didn't work. And I tried to think of ways to get out of my situation. I tried to complain about my circumstance by writing to the New York Times, Washington Post, Newsweek, Senators, City Councilmen, and US Representatives. I stated that I had been made a zombie at a young age and was programmed for behavior unconsciously because of my intelligence or some such other attribute of mine. When I got no answer. I wrote more letters and put up posters that read "A Vote for Senator Esch, is a Vote for Zombiism " all over town. He was a US Senator. I finally got a letter from Esch saying I should go to a local clinic in Ann Arbor for help. The clinic got me some assistance but I refused to take pills because of my awful experience with stelazine in the summer of 1974. At this time bothersome thoughts would start to come to me. Many about sexual perversions, which would remain in my mind. But I couldn't seem to control the thoughts and I would contort my face and other gestures trying to get rid of them. This aspect of my mental illness came upon me suddenly. I had been spending a lot of time alone in my apartment and one night all of a sudden the thoughts came to me making it impossible for me to sleep. I reluctantly got up and paced the streets in Ann Arbor. I thought at the time (as I have often at times ever since Ann Arbor) that people would be communicating to me in my unconscious state of mind as I walked by, something I was only dimly conscious of in this particular mental state of mind. That night I decided to get some food at the Brown Jug restaurant. At the table next to me, sat a black women, white women and Indian women. I would think to these women in conversation mode, thinking I was also communicating to them unconsciously. The thought pattern and content of thoughts was so ridiculous in retrospect, I don't feel like talking about it here. The bothersome thoughts continued on & off from this time till I was Hospitalized.

I guess this is when they thought something was wrong with me for real. Also during my time at the first apartment I stayed at, I would hear noises from the next door apartments, I deduced they were trying to communicate to my conscious state and tried to figure out a code. At one time I thought one tap or sound meant no, and two taps or noises meant yes. This mental concept persisted in me for many years on & off medications and between Hospitalizations. I guess I could go on and on about the different content of my schizophrenic mental reality. All of this was some how because my perception caused me to think that people had knowledge concerning me that they could know no other way. My mother and sister had been working behind the scenes trying to get me hospitalized and one day two policeman came to my Apartment on S. Division, Ann Arbor and asked me to go to the hospital with them. I asked them why and they said why don't we say just for your mom's and sister's sake, and they drove me to Ypsilanti State Hospital outside Ann Arbor. This was in the summer of 1976. My first of four mental health probate court  commitments. 

   My First Hospitalization - Ypsilanti State of Michigan Hospital & Neuro Psychiatric Institute of U. of M. Hospital      Table of Contents  

The police dropped me off first at Ypsilanti State Hospital. It was a pretty rough hospital. One of the patients there was particularly un nice. He threatened and did slug me on occasion, he burned me with his cigarettes, I would wake up at night and find him staring at me right next to my face. The food was good though. The staff hardly gave me time of day when I wanted to talk to them. In one of my 2 credit courses at U. of M. one of our projects was to visit this hospital every week for a semester, so I recognized the old gentleman with all the medallions on his cap. At this time I was in a downsized version of my creative scientific mode. At this time I had no memory of my earlier, (At Bloomfield Hills, summer of 1974?) more advanced writings that I later wrote and sent out again (incognito) unconscious of the first writing. This is another one of my complicated states of mind that I will try to describe better later in this story. But at the time of my hospitalization at Ypsilanti State all I remember now is my attempt to write a grant proposal to the National Endowment of the Humanities. The staff at the Hospital promised they would send it for me, something they never got around to doing. The writings were good, but undeveloped, and not worthy of rigorous scientific challenge. All this time I was going to hearings of my trial. This was the longest trial on my court commitments I was to have. There were several hearings where my parents would come and testify briefly. They had several meetings with the judge by themselves. This was my main complaint. Much of the trial was apparently conducted out of my presence or awareness. Before I was committed my parents arranged for me to be sent to Neuro Psychiatric Institute of U. of M. There I was  put on thorazine, which knocked me out. Then later I was put on prolixin. Quite quickly, I found my past memories, thoughts and experiences to be erased. Something I really did not remember till I later went off medication in 1981. This is a major problem with the medications of today. The medications do not integrate as much as they brainwash. Everyday reality is overrated in importance. I had the option of going to a halfway house or home to Mom & Dad. I opted to go home to Bloomfield Hills where I lived till 1979.   

   Living at Home in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan 1976-1979      Table of Contents  

Mom & Dad had adopted a new attitude. Mom didn't criticize as much and Dad was more soft spoken. But I was miserable. For the first year at home I did odd jobs around the house and around town. Mom told me casually some time when I was living with them, that the FBI had come to interview her concerning the letters I wrote in Ann Arbor. I never had the nerve to ask her what they both said. I decided I would enter Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan and commute to school from my parents' home. I got my first car from my Uncle for a $100.00. An old car with 100,000 miles on it. My first term I took Fortran, Advanced Calculus, and Linear Algebra. I got a 3.5 my first term.  In retrospect, I am great full that OU was there, enabling me to go through or start the learning process.  I had a couple of good friends also, Doug McColman, and Martin Novak. And Lavanya Adinarayan, of course. We had some good times together. At times I would feel very empty, depressed and stupid on prolixin. It was at this time I developed this weird behavior of reacting, with strange gestures and puns, to people. This has bothered me ever since when on medications and has made it difficult to socialize. I have deduced since, that I have a strange sense of humor in my subconscious that the medication doesn't deal with "appropriately". I slacked off medications on a number of occasions, but my parents bull headedly always made sure I went back on them, so because of this I graduated in June 1979 with a BS in Computer & Information Science and Mathematics. I had the same GPA I had at U. Of M., 3.1/4.0.

   The Start of my Professional Career, 1979 - 1981      Table of Contents  

It took me a while to find a job after graduating. Finally my dad started to help me, and helped me with my resume and cover letter. I sent out over a hundred of these letters and had numerous interviews and several solid offers around the country. I took one close by with Chrysler Defense, the Tank Plant in suburban Detroit and got my own apartment as my parents were moving to California. My first job was to write Cobol applications which I thought I did well until I cut back on Prolixin a little too far because of over sedation and thought people were talking to me even subconsciously as I walked in the malls. I couldn't function and left work for two weeks. When I returned, they fired me because I hadn't told them when I was hired that I had a mental illness. After being at loose ends for some time, I think with some help I landed a contract programming job with Ford Motor Company. I did not know it then, but my friend Joe Woerderman worked in the next room to me. I would meet him later in Denver when we were both hired at Martin Marietta Aerospace that summer. Note: Joe told me also after years of friendship, that he had visited Ann Arbor and read my "A Vote for Esch, Is A Vote for Zombiism" on the kiosks there. Which I thought was interesting. Anyway, I worked at Ford Research in Dearborn for three months and was honorably laid off. So I started looking for work again. I answered an ad from Martin Marietta in Detroit and was hired on the spot by Bob Prudhomme, who was also handicapped. I accepted on the spot. And about a month later they moved me to Denver, Colorado. I was delighted, but not too much, I wasn't accepting mental health reality as much as my other reality. Anyway I was drugged to oblivion on Haldol and could hardly function. Joe Woerderman, was my good friend at Martin, and I spent a lot of time together. I worked in a isolated, locked room with two or three other people. We at first were very social and just talked and played card games. When it came time to work I was just in my "reality" that there was some unconscious reason I didn't have to work hard. I began writing some math in my time at work which I didn't recognize as "old" at first but do now. I believe I have been writing that and other math, years before then, but somehow had erased it from my memory. I was let go from Martin Marietta Aerospace at the Waterton plant in February 1981. Joe and I were still friends. I had plenty of money saved but began spending it a little too fast, I am afraid. I continued to dabble in my math at my apartment in Lakewood, Colorado, and spent much of my energy climbing 13,000 footers and 14,000 footers in the Rockies. At this time I fell in love with the Rockies and Colorado. Unfortunately, I seemed to be manic. After spending most of my money, and then not sleeping for three days, I broke a window in my apartment building and police came and took me to Ft. Logan State Hospital.

  Ft. Logan State Hospital, Denver, Colorado - Summer 1981      Table of Contents  

Before entering the Ft. Logan Hospital, I remember pasting Zim Mathematics around my apartment in Colorado. This includes a simplified version of my Knowledge Unit Knowledge Reality Map and the equation BF/Cx. Now, after being on navane for seven years I remember I went back with a Ft. Logan Mental Health Worker  named Chris to get some personal items to take back to the hospital. And while I was there I gathered up all the math around the apartment and put them in a neat pile. My memory of any kind of Zim Mathematics vanished from consciousness that summer as Dr.Anders then put me on the maximum dose of Mellaril, 800 mgs. I was a real zombie then, not just one of my own imagination. I was even more zonked than when I was on Prolixin at my parents house in Bloomfield Hills. My father has told me recently he remembers me writing some Math in front of him in the beginning of the hospitalization in 1981. I have not been able to pursue this conversation much further with my father as it is too emotionally unsettling for me to realize I have been a zombie much of my life. I often wonder, now, what kind of zombie am I? One of my own free will, or of modern psychiatry or both? I have often wondered with my apparently crazier than belief mind, for whatever reason(s), what kind of work was I really doing at Martin Marietta Aero space, The Chrysler Tank Plant, or at any time in my entire life. I am pretty sure I am not consciously thinking of the truth. I forgot about all my prior writings and activities of Zim Math after Ft. Logan and was not made aware of them again till I went off meds in 1984, and later got on Navane in 1986.  

  Living in California with Mom & Dad, 1982-1984      Table of Contents  

Dad got a job with Hewlett Packard in 1979. There was pressure on the former management when the new president Lee Iaccoca came in to Chrysler Corporation. And mom & dad had gotten a house in the San Francisco area then. After leaving Ft. Logan after a 3 month hospitalization, I tried to get work but was unable to.  Social Security didn't come through because Mom & Dad had paid some of my bills when I was in the hospital so I didn't qualify. I was getting unemployment insurance and lived in my old apartment in Lakewood, while I looked for work a number of months. So when my unemployment insurance ran out I moved all my stuff to California to live with Mom & Dad, my dad helped me drive the moving truck. Mom & Dad pushed me to find work even though I was over-medicated. I guess they thought that was the only option open. I was in bad shape and couldn't get any decent work so I started working at a workshop. After working there 10 months I got a decent job working as a "programmer-inspector" at Varian Associates, a Government contractor. I worked there almost a year when I started to develop tardive dyskinesia. I had been put on loxitane almost a year earlier. My psychiatrist started to withdraw me from medication and then I went off all the way. I started having trouble sleeping.  I spent time at my home in bed trying to rest or sleep. My parents started to insist that I take my meds again. But for the first time in years I had some energy in my head, and I kind of liked it. I was trying not to make the mistakes that led to my prior hospitalizations. Admittedly, I was a little zonkers, but I didn't care. The voices at times had an informative content to them. At this time I experienced the self mind control where I could eliminate thought and memory content at will, and just recall it after months or days by reference, at will.   Mom & Dad were constantly at me to take meds, and I was afraid of becoming a zombie again. So, I packed up my 79 Plymouth Arrow with about 50,000 miles on it, went to the bank and withdrew 5,000 dollars in cashiers checks and travelers checks and started driving. I started out toward a friend's house in Sacramento, Marguerite and John, to see what was going on there. I found not much was new, so I started out toward Denver in February 1984, with very little plans. I  cruised over to Denver. I got a motel for three days in Wondervu. I intended to climb mountains but I was having such trouble with withdrawal from loxitane I just lay in bed for the next three days just going across the streets for meals at a good restaurant. After the three days, my problem with withdrawal seemed to be over and I got a motel for a week in the Blue Sky Motel on West Colfax. I found I was very happy to be back in Denver. And after doing a little Mountain Climbing and enjoying it immensely I decided to get an apartment in East Denver on Detroit Street. I was still into getting extra meaning from normal surroundings and had some ideas about living on a street called Detroit. By the time I had gotten the apartment, my withdrawal hangover was over with. The only thing I had in mind was climbing mountains.    

  Climbing Mountains & Reinventing Zim Math 1984-1985      Table of Contents  

I had a plan to do as much mountain climbing as I could with the money I had. So I invested a lot of money in mountain climbing equipment and food and very little else. But I was still not as wise as I should have been. I climbed Mt. Flattop in Estes Park first on a cold February day and had a chance to use my ice axe. I climbed Mt. Baldy by Ward soon after . Snow shoes were necessary that year. I went climbing by Rosalie Trail by Deer Creek. I did some overnight trips in the mountains off of route 285 and at the foot of Mount Evans. I took two, three day trips and tried out my new tent. Quite an experience to sleep in the mountains at 11,500 ft. in the winter then climb during the day. I got lost in a whiteout on Mt. Evans one April day. I was lost wandering around up there for three hours. I had lengthy conversations with a ram up there and a bird local to the Mt. Evans Wilderness Area, then I found the Mt. Evans road again and reoriented myself. One of my last big hikes was Mt. Meeker, a 5,000 ft. climb out next to Long's Peak. During these hikes my voices were active to a tolerable degree. They would quite often outsmart my consciousness and make more intelligent decisions than I could think of, or predict events better. When I started to run out of money I climbed closer peaks in Pikes Peak National Forest, like Green Mountain and Cathedral Peak. I didn't quite make it to the top of Mt. Elbert, Colorado's highest peak, because of problems with my equipment. I was running out of money then too. I climbed at least two mountains a week for 5 or 6 months. Around the end of June I was running out of gas money. My insurance then expired and so I didn't drive my car. Obviously, I didn't have any problems with the mountains reading my mind. In that way I wasn't psychotic. I am not sure what my official or otherwise state of mind would be said to be. I obviously wasn't making it in society but I was able to negotiate treacherous mountains in the winter safer than they do in the Colorado Mountain Club. The club takes more risks than I do. And my mathematics in my mind was good. Why did I have trouble with people only and society? I was a very good mountain climber and by June none of my pants would fit over my legs, they had gotten so big. I am not sure what my state of mind was on society. I think I was sure that I was some sort of known zombie in the world, and didn't think I should have to, or it would be appropriate, if I worked for money. So I turned down my apartment manager's offer of a dishwashing job (big mistake, I had no money).   My first piece of mathematics in 1984 was a love letter to Lavanya Adinarayan back in Detroit. I never mailed it, but it got my creative juices flowing. I didn't have much money for postage, so often I sent original copies. I sent Math to the US Supreme Court, Mr. France - French Government, The University of Michigan Math Department, Math. Dept. Cambridge University - England, IBM, Chinese Government, The Pope in the Vatican, The United Nations; All of which is documented with a Table of Contents for each mailing in a later mailing, I now have, to the French Premier - Mitterand, and French minister of research & technology - Hubert CURIEN.   My parents attempted to have me committed, long distance, at St. Joseph Hospital in Denver, but the Psych. ward let me go after a 3 day hold, in the summer of 1984. Later in the year, however, I was running out of food, Mom & Dad were paying my rent from California, but I only got $70.00 a month in food stamps, which left me broke the last half of October. I was able to locate food from friends and a food bank, but because of my increased appetite from climbing all those mountains it wasn't enough. I went without food for ten days and finally broke a window in desperation.

The police came and took me to Ft. Logan. I was committed by Denver Probate court and put on prolixin. I think my judge was Judge Benton? No mention was made in the report that I had been without food for ten days.   I was absolutely mortified at the thought of being turned into a Zombie again at Ft. Logan. I again thought people would know my thoughts, by some unknown unconscious process, which was very debilitating. But I still wanted to communicate, so I would call the FBI, State Attorney general, city desks at Rocky Mountain News and Denver Post, The United Nations, Lowry Air Force Base and the list goes on & on. I also wrote the US Supreme Court but they told me they had no jurisdiction over state mental health laws. All to no avail, of course. The newspapers did listen to my stories however. I was trying to communicate despite my perception & thoughts that everybody knew what I was thinking or had knowledge of my future plans.   One "trick" of mine had been, since leaving California, that I would talk out loud in a room by myself to someone who might be there that I couldn't see. Not the most effective form of communication, unfortunately. My mind shrunk dramatically. I lost my mental energy, memories and abilities. No record of this was ever made at Ft. Logan. The mental health professionals and my family just wanted me to behave nicely. My opinion of the staff at Ft. Logan, must have been similar to the opinion of the Jews at Auschwitz to the Nazis.   I was released to Monroe Halfway House in early 1985 in Denver, Colorado. When I wrote the "1984" mathematics (About 500 pages), I had no memory of writing it previously. In 1985 and later on Navane in 1986, I had memories of writing my "1984" & "1985" Zim Mathematics (A total of 1,000 pages) in my earlier years, between 1969 - 1974. But some how I had erased this from my consciousness.

I was determined to do something about my medication, because I could feel my mind getting worse every day. I borrowed the typewriter at the halfway house and right there wrote a letter to the State of Colorado Medical Examining Board. I accused my Ft. Logan doctor and the Monroe Halfway House doctor of deliberately making me a Zombie. I remember going to the Medical Examining Board Building and showing a copy of the Math. I was writing on Prolixin and showing them a copy of the Math. I had written the year before off medication. The Doctor at the Halfway House soon took me off medication. The hospital Records say they took me off because I had tardive dsyskinesia, which is not true. 

 With my Aid to the Needy Disabled check and a check from the Bayaud Workshop for the disabled I moved out of the halfway house. I eventually moved into a practice apartment under Park East Mental Health system. This is where I started again to re-invent my Mathematics business. I worked out of the Postal Center at 3000 E. Colfax in E. Denver, and my apartment. I used a typewriter I got from a garage sale and I compiled a sample of my Mathematics including a table of contents, with descriptions of my previous Math. sent, in 1984. I had introductions, summaries, Math. resumes and professional resumes and numerous drawings, and a picture of myself. I had only money to send it to a few places. I sent it to the French President and my Mom & Dad in California. I later got a reply from the French President saying he had read and liked my math and was sending it to the French Minister of Research & Technology, Hubert CURIEN. He also wrote me and told me he liked my Math.   In all I wrote about 500 hundred additional pages of mathematics in 1985. But at this time the math seemed kind of familiar, like I had written them sometime before. Which is a little un motivating, but I continued to write. All this time, off medication, I had been working at the Bayaud workshop for about 5 months. I had not heard any voices or thought anybody was reading my mind during this time. But one day they told me at Bayaud they were going to send me out on a Tep (temporary) job. And I started to hear a few voices immediately. I started the job, the most boring job in the world, and the voices became dramatically worse. Well to make stories short, I left my job at the Tep two weeks later, hearing voices all the time. It was at this time, when I was still writing some math on my type writer that I had a memorable visual hallucination. I would try to type something on my typewriter and then read it. The first time it would be correct then I would read it again and again and it would say something entirely different each time. I would try to type it correctly again, and every time I would reread that line it would say something entirely different. I had already reported to Social Services that I had started working so they had cut me off the Aid to the Needy Disabled check. And I was no longer working at Bayaud. Park East Mental Health did as little as they could to help. I was out of money and soon going hungry again.  

My girl friend Lauren came over to take me to the grocery store. Unfortunately, she was psychotic, worse off than I was, and started a fight in the parking lot of Safeway. I fought back, the police came and talked to us both, and they took Lauren away and left me there. Unfortunately, although the police had cleared me, Park East was out to get me. Because of the altercation they kicked me out of the apartment. I hitchhiked to the Canadian border to hopefully emigrate from Mental Health USA. Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with a good enough story at the border and they wouldn't let me emigrate to Canada, a long time dream of mine. I then hitchhiked to Detroit to my sister's. She told me we were going to go get some Social Security the next day. We actually went to a psychiatrists office. I thought I wouldn't be committed, so I remained calm. But my sister also talked to him and must have said something I never heard about, and the security guards swarmed around me to take me to the ambulance which took me to Northville Regional Psychiatric State Hospital in Northville, Michigan. This was the worst and last hospitalization.

   My Last Hospitalization - Northville Hospital, Northville, Michigan 1985-1986      Table of Contents 

 I could tell this wasn't going to be a good stay the moment I set foot in Ward G-1 in Northville Hospital. I first tried to make a few phone calls a la Ft. Logan 1985. I somehow managed to talk to Lavanya Adinarayan who was also living in Northville city. An hour later a janitor comes and rips the phone(s) off the wall with a crow bar.  No outside phone calls were possible. On some  occasions I would be naive enough to write a letter and give them to  staff to send. And I would later find a patient reading them or find  them in the  trash. The physical conditions were bad, there were  confined quarters and crowded conditions. Other patients and I  complained about not enough food. I was in a very creative mode, and productive in writings and not all that crazy compared to my time in Ann Arbor.   The trial was so pathetic I can't believe it . It couldn't have lasted more than five minutes. In my brief and short-lived testimony in Detroit Probate Court, in downtown Detroit, I stated approximately. "I seek support from you here and the world in preventing and punishing this crime of turning me into a medicated zombie again." I also asked that " those supporting these fraudulent legal proceedings be punished " . That didn't go over too well with the judge, so he told me to stop and get down there from the witness stand. The court doctor talked for about a minute, my sister talked for about a minute, and all of a sudden I was whisked off in the van, packed in with the others who had their minutes in court at the mass production trial. We were all taken back to Northville Hospital. I asked what had happened. Where are my court papers? There were none, of course. So I refused to take medications. They kind of wrestled with me and injected me with Navane. The staff at Northville G-1 were a bunch of bozos. They didn't care about legal anything. Dr Pi, my Hospital  psychiatrist, would laugh at me our entire Required by law five  minute  interview every week.  One of the interviews, he laughed the entire interview as he read a letter he had received from Mom.  This may  have given  me a clue I was not going to get very far with  Dr. Pi (or  anybody?).  Or  should have.  The food was so bad I  wonder why I didn't  get sick. Navane  wasn't as  heavy as the other  meds I had taken. It kept  my current and  recent  knowledge of Math. halfway intact. But I have  been unable to  invent new math.,  Or maybe I was just reinventing old  math, whatever, it  was new to  me. My spontaneity was killed to death.  That doesn't seem to be a  consideration of the administration of  medication in mental health.  They just want you to sit there and not act  out to much. I finally got  my Social Security check, as Stevie had promised. It was forwarded  through the Denver Postal Center, where I had a box. I don't know  why it took so long to come. Maybe Park East had it delayed. I  wouldn't doubt it. The voices were almost gone, and I only had a  dull awareness of people knowing my thoughts, activities etc.  Navane was significantly milder. But new thoughts were no longer  possible. I could no longer play the piano and guitar as I had back in Denver in front of my disabled friends. I was released to a foster  care home near Detroit for six months where I was mugged and had nothing to do. Of course I needed to rest up after Northville. My ears would ring nights right after being released. Now the conclusion of my story, a summation of Zim's Reality.   

   Conclusion of My Story - Moving Back to Denver - Getting Married- Now      Table of Contents  

After almost a year in Detroit after leaving the hospital. I decided to move back to Denver. There were no housing opportunities I was aware of in Detroit, except the program to  save abandoned wrecked houses from the wrecking ball by  offering them for sale for a small amount.  I lived with a mental  health consumer, Bernie Elbinger, in one for a while.  Bernie was a Mental Health Advocate.  For a while we tried to publish Newsletters Advocating for the Mentally Ill. One Newsletter featured an article titled "Mental Hellth USA". We laughed quite a while at that.... The  crime was absolutely horrible in Detroit, it was like living in a  war zone. If you think Denver is bad, go to downtown Detroit.  My other reality of which some seems to be left is now telling me  that I am obviously a little crazy, at least somehow, if not  schizophrenic, some other way, and that maybe I should be taking  meds. I keep seeing signs that I would be in trouble if I went off  meds. But I still don't like it. It's like my other mind is real but  my mental illness is too. I have continued to advocate for myself, by speaking out, writing letters to agencies, writing and sending a personal newsletter or CHARG's newsletter to people in mental health, family, friends and relatives. I talk in my communications about my mental reality, and why I should not be considered in the mental health, schizophrenic model. How I did manage at one time off of meds, and how I feel under proper circumstances I could again. I think this in spite of my awareness of the problems I had in Ann Arbor and afterwards. Actually sometimes I wonder if my problems at Ann Arbor were just some sort of sham I put on or something similar. Don't make this make you think I am nuts. I just don't claim to know everything like mental health professionals do. I feel I have more to add to the mental health community than most mental health professionals have, but they don't seem to have caught on. I moved to East Denver and went again to Park East Mental Health. I stayed in their district for a year and then moved into another mental health district on the West Side and started going to Boardwalk. I am currently on Social Security Disability and have been since my hospitalization at Northville. This is how I have been able to survive. When the Mental Health Corporation of Denver took over mental health in Denver, I made a quick move to the newly founded, independent clinic, called CHARG Resource Center. As I have found is the case with many Mental Health Centers across the country, staff is either Clinically incompetent and/or intellectually dishonest.  MHCD was not an exception.  CHARG Resource Center was founded by professionals of the old  Denver  Mental Health System in Boardwalk Community Center, as the Corporation took over. The Corporation wanted to save money and farm me out on some job, but I wasn't ready. I still had these issues I have been talking about in this story. So I went to CHARG where they were a little more accepting of my presence, concerning the state of my disability. At this time, after years of being on Navane and disability, and advocating for my freedom, unsuccessfully, I do have some resulting and current conclusions about my reality.  I feel others around me and that I talk to are aware of some facts about myself that I am totally unaware of. Note: My wife just read this story and told me to say something positive about the recent years since my last hospitalization. Well: I have been living on my own since 1986. I moved to Denver under my own power in early 1987. I have been physically active, biking, jogging, lifting weights, mountain hiking since I got out of Northville Hospital. Either old age or the medicine has gotten to me, or both. As I have found it better for now to cut out weight lifting and jogging. The past two summers I have climbed with the Colorado Mountain Club. I have acheived a B rating with the club, and am one hike away from a C rating. B ratings are climbs of 1,500 ft. - 2,500 ft up to ten miles in length. C ratings are climbs of 2,500-3,500 ft up to 15 miles in length. I have purchased my own PC and learned on my own, various software and hardware skills. For three years before I was married, I made my own wine and cheeses (it was the best wine I've ever had). I started the CHARG Resource Center Newsletter and have been its editor for the past 4 years. I am currently working at the Forest Service, half time, as a computer specialist, taking computer classes at work and on the outside.

   My Marriage to Ruth - May 25, 1991      Table of Contents  

I met Ruth  at CHARG Resource Center. She was introduced to me by my good friend David Quarton. We were immediately attracted to each other and soon planned to get married. My stability of the past recent years had made this a possibility. We had a big wedding with our families and friends around the country attending. The wedding was at Lighthouse Souls Harbor, a very distinguished and noteworthy church in Commerce City, which feeds the homeless. Sheila Baler , Director of Mental Health Corporation of Denver attended. Along with David Burgess, Director of CHARG Resource Center playing the piano for Tim our disabled friend playing the guitar and singing a song he wrote. Many of our mental health friends were there. And now two years later, I look back, and it seems like Ruth and I just got married yesterday. Marriage has been a growth experience for me and I hope for Ruth. Around 1992 I applied for RATC (Regional Assessment Training ) a program to receive training enabling you to work as a Case Manager Assistant. I was denied entrance allegedly because I flunked a "Detail" test. I also remembered the director at RATC as a higher level professional at Park East Mental Health where I had trouble in 1984.   I was busy working at CHARG Resource Center since it opened in August 1989 and have been on a Social Security PASS (Plan for Achieving Self Support) for the past year and a half. I have been working with Voc. Rehab. lately also. I am now working at the Forest Service half time learning computer skills as part of my PASS plan. I feel I can handle half time but probably would have trouble with full time even on meds because of my mental health issues I have been dealing with my whole life. I am absolutely committed to my marriage, and want to keep my job going as long as I can, hopefully half time. But I still wonder, what about my other reality. Maybe you know what I am talking about now!

   Denver, Colorado 1993-1997      Table of Contents 

I worked for a total of a year and a half as a volunteer programmer at the US Forest Service in Lakewood, Colorado. Under pressure from Social Security to get a real job, as I said I would in my Social Security PASS plan (Plan to Achieve Self Support) I took a job as a Case Manager Assistant with CHARG Resource Center within the PATH program (Project to Assist the Transition from Homelessness). I found this to be a very tough job and quit after 8 months and a necessary medication change to Risperdal. For two years now I have been adjusting to my new medication. I have finally decided I am not going to get cured on this medication (I look forward to new medications). During this latest period of time, in December 1995 we started the process of taking advantage of funding for a program of home ownership for the mentally ill & developmentally disabled. In August 1996 Ruth and I moved into a small but well managed condominium project in South East Denver. The move was very stressful especially for Ruth.    Although I feel less drugged and feel better emotionally, I find I still have a lot of paranoia on Risperdal. I think I have an active other personality and/or mental state in me that intervenes in situations such as Vocational Rehabilitation. Actually I feel this other mental state is active all the time. A few years ago I had a special dream that I would like to describe now: I was having a dream when I woke up, or thought I woke up, and got dressed, had breakfast and drove to CHARG Resource Center, when I woke up. I said to myself that was some dream and started another daily routine, when I woke up again. I was really startled and couldn't believe I was dreaming again. I pinched myself, slapped myself on the face and decided I was finally awake, when I woke up again. This happened several more times, so even now I don't know if I am awake. In retrospect I could never tell if I was dreaming or awake... We have a big family reunion planned August 1997 and a trip to Ruth's mom & dad on the way home. We have gone to a number of big family get togethers in the past years. Mom and Dad Olson retired a year ago. I am still on Social Security Disability and so is  my wife. I gave my first presentation on Creative Mathematics to the 1997 Spring Conference of the Rocky Mountain Section of the Mathematics Association of America. I think I wrote this same paper about 25 years ago in High School or Junior High School. I joined the Math. Assoc. of America a year and a half ago. I hope to become more active mathematically in the future, if the Lord is willing.      

Zim & Mathematics Audio/Text -  2004 - 2008  Table of Contents 

Upon starting a new medication in October 2002, I finished programming my Java Checkers Game (Seen on Homepage) and soon started a Zim Mathematics Web Site. Although the Geodon was a far superior medication (little/none sedation) it had several side effects.  Getting to sleep after 26 years of very sedative medication and then with almost no sedation was a serious problem. Four months ago, I started another brand new medication on the market, Abilify.  I sleep 6-8 hours usually instead of the 10-12 hours on the older medication, and the 2-5 hours I frequently slept a night on Geodon.

My Mathematics site takes at least 1-3 hours of my time a day. Improving, updating, thinking etc. Now I would like to bring my Math. Art to a new level of sophistication, Mathiness and Artiness. I am not sure how I can do this right now. But that is my goal. New and interesting and creative applications are always of interest to me. ....My volunteer job at New Life Fellowship Foursquare church takes about 5 hours of my time a week.  I also work/volunteer at CHARG Resource Center a few hours a week minimum. I have been on CHARG Resource Center's Board of Directors for about 13 years now.....My Wife, Ruth, is doing fine. And manages to keep busy some how.

....It is now April 9, 2006: I have been on the medication Abilify for about a year and one half now. It seems to have become a stronger medication over the year and one half. I am looking for a less strong (allowing more spontaneity) medication. I heard that a new medication, Zomerill , may becoming out. And that I may be interested in trying it. My Mathematics is slowed down etc. by the strong acting Abilify. I look forward to new medications coming on the market that help me with this. And I hope they aren't too expensive for my Insurance. Abilify has been the best medication I have ever been on. But I know I can do better on my Mathematics, from prior experience, if I am not over medicated. I find I am more able to manage my own Mental Health on my own steam, on Abilify, than I was on the sedative older medications.  I continue to volunteer and as a member at New Life Fellowship Foursquare church. And also I continue to volunteer at and am on the Board of Directors of CHARG Resource Center.

....April 24, 2007:  My Bipolar side continues to be completely controlled by the Abilify I am still taking.  I still have some of my Schizophrenia symptoms.  My activities and the way I spend my time remain the same.  As I said a year ago, my creativity and spontaneity, continue to be seriously suppressed by the medication as time goes on. I am hoping for future better medications.

...February 18, 2008.  In some ways I grow intellectually on my medication Abilify and in some ways I don't.  New ideas are hard to come by on this medication, and I don't get a hold of some ideas as readily as I think I should. In regards to my Creative Mathematics project.  I don't feel mentally dead as I felt on older medications.  But I feel as I am intellectually and emotionally stunted.  I can do much more on Abilify for which I am very gratefull.  My sleeping patterns are near normal for my age, now.  After years of adjustment from getting off the older medications.  Me and my doctor are keeping our eyes out for new and improved medications coming out on the market.

...January 8, 2009.  My Dr at CHARG decreased my Abilify from 30mg to 20 mg, last week.  It seems like this may help me in basic activities.  It may help / change the way I write Creative Mathematics, particularly over time.  I feel I have made recent significant additions to my Creative Math site, even before the medication change.  But they seem to have been a long time coming, to myself.  I at least have high hopes for this medication change.

...2007 - 2009  Zim presented his Life Story in 5-7 12 minute talks to 40-45 Metro Denver Area Police and Law Enforcement officials while at CHARG Resource Center as part of their Training.

..September 06, 2009 - Dr Alan Fine, my Doctor at CHARG Resource Center, reduced my Abilify again from 20 mg to 15 mg.  We are hoping this will lessen side effects and perhaps help me think better.  I started the new dose for the first time today.....Dr Fine has also told me recently he has a degree in Mathematics as well as his MD.

Author - Zim Olson   Top of Page

Table of Contents

 

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

Author - Zim Olson            Top of Page

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